Crazy Train

Crazy train, indeed. Her expression says it all. Three weeks of school left in the semester and I haven't done an eighth of what I need to do to be done. Papers to be written. Collections to be inventoried. Exams to be written. Grades to be calculated.

I interviewed for a dream job and am waiting to hear. In the meantime, I was offered a part time job that I could do with my eyes closed and one I would enjoy. It, of course, does not have diddly squat to do with my career and doesn't pay enough/provide enough hours to even pay for day care, let alone pay my bills. Do I accept it and then recant if, by some act of God, I get offered the dream job? Do I say "no thank you" and pray for a miracle? I looked at applications for shit jobs online. Not that I'm above a shit job, mind you, but one of the chain grocery stores' applications includes questions like "How many times in the last three months have you taken money from your employer that you did not earn?" and "How many times in the last three months have you engaged in a loud argument with a boss, co-worker, or customer?" WHAT? Okay, first of all, do I want to work in a position that they would hire those who chose choice anything but choice A (zero)? Even if you were lying, who in their right mind would admit to it??? I really don't want to be a night produce clerk. I'd like to spend my hours of the wee morning fending off my daughter punching me in the eye as she sprawls out between me and my husband, or nod off nursing her in the rocker, hoping I don't let her roll off my lap. Not making small talk with Bubba about where she got her smashing tear drop tattoo. Call me a snob. I won't argue with you.

I'm frantically searching for day care somewhere that hasn't hired Nurse Ratchet. The thought of putting her in day care makes me want to sob out loud and chain myself to the couch with her in my lap. I also didn't realize that "part time" is three full days, not five half days or any combination of "sometimes." I have to pay for "full time" even though as it stands, I'd only be working "part time." That was dumb on my part. But now I don't know what to do. Can't pay my bills without working. Can't pay for daycare on a part time (or two part time) salaries and have any left over for my bills. I know I am not alone in this dilemma. God bless Canada. One full year of paid maternity leave, from what I understand. One more reason to be Canadian.

ANYWHO, yet again I find myself blogging when I should be working or sleeping. I don't have any other way to vent at the moment on any sort of regular basis. So, even if no one is reading it, I feel better. Cheaper than therapy, this blogging is. Thank you.