This Bed's Too Big Without You

It's 5:30 a.m. on Memorial Day. Animal is actually sleeping and now I can't. My husband has the shitrific night shift, so he was gone all night. I miss him. I feel so guilty. He took another substandard job to accomodate MY life and career change, and now he's stuck doing shift work. In the city. That's what I want for him-driving into downtown Philly at midnight to start work. Work that involves cleaning grown men's shitty diapers. He's applying for grad school for the fall semester. Please say a prayer to whatever God/dieties you chat with that he gets in.

The apartment we put a deposit down on was given to a couple that looked at it the night before. However, landlady said she had another one they were working on with an extra bedroom and a larger yard that we could have for the same price. We said sold! and she said it'd be available by the end of May and she said she'd call us Mother's Day weekend. And then didn't. We chased her for three days before she called us back, at which point she said, oh, it's taking longer and more money than anticipated and won't be done until the end of June and by the way we have to charge $100 more than I told you because of all the extra costs. There is NO housing available for our price range with more than 1 bedroom except in the middle of the gun-ridden city I work in. But, if we wait that long, it means I bring our new baby home to my parents' house. Which I wasn't/am not thrilled with. We are still looking for another apartment, but with no luck so far. I need to get over it. We are saving money, it'll be easier for my folks to help out with us here rather than 25 minutes away, we are being freaking pampered to the hilt. There are people who bring their newborns "home" to shelters and cars and under bridges. There are people who bring their newborns home to a ghetto apartment they share with 15 other family members. This is a comfortable, big house with a yard my daughter is obsessed with. I should shut my pie hole and thank God. I also don't want to be any more of a financial/time burden on my already generous parents. They swear they don't mind, but it has to be getting old by now. My husband is psyched that we'll actually be living somewhere with windows that function and that has more than 1 three-pronged outlet and that there isn't a toilet leaking on our heads from the apartment above us, all scenrios we have had in our last two places. He's willing to wait for a place with "new" amenities, then so I am I.

The baby is due in three weeks. Now, bear in mind that all of our belongings are jammed into my parents' garage. And I packed only the stuff I thought we'd need through the end of April. No warm weather clothes, no larger clothes for the ever-growing Animal, no newborn stuff. My husband's been on me to pack my hospital bag, but I had NOTHING kept out with which to do that. My poor dad and I pulled out as much stuff as we could from the garage last weekend, but didn't find what I needed. So, on his one day off, my husband took EVERYTHING out of the garage. Everything. And managed to find everything I needed. AND fit it all back in with room to spare. All without a complaint or one iota of attitude. I must have done something right in a former life. He's so good to me. Scratch "good". Fantastic. I spent yesterday sorting out and washing newborn stuff. My GOD it's small. It's only been less than two years since Animal was born, but I forget how freaking tiny newborns actually are. The socks, my LORD! Tiny. The baby seems to be doing well. I ended up in the hospital with my asthma, which hasn't bothered me since the last spring I spent in the Lehigh Valley.

Animal is up. Have a good Memorial Day. Think of those gone and those that will lose their lives in this senseless war over the next year.